2024-08-Trump-2024
Donald Trump:
“ Everybody knows that I will have won the 2024 elections by a landslide the likes of which the world has never seen before, just as I did win in 2020!
I would have been running against Joe Biden and not “Kamabla”and “Walzing Tim”. Everybody agrees that win or lose, Kamabla's nomination to her radical left party is illegal. If she wins because the elections were rigged, she will be an impostor, Saaad! She is a disgrace. However, people will say: “Sir, she’ll never be elected!, you’ll win these elections, everybody knows that.”
Following November 20th 2025, win or lose I will dissolve congress, I will fire all non-MAGA congressmen and senators, unless they pledge their loyalty to me. I will ban all fake news media once and for all. With my MAGA warriors and their AR-15s freshly re-armed with a “bump stock”, courtesy of my faithful supreme court justices, I WILL BE YOUR RETRIBUTION!
We will arrest all the radical left marxist, devil worshippers, who like to be called democrats! We will round them up with millions of aliens, rapists. drug dealers and the mentally insane that have crossed our border illegally.
We will load them in shipping containers on many many giant ships! Have you seen these container ships, they're amazing? I love ships. I would rather be electrocuted on a ship than be eaten by a shark. That is how much I love ships! I would have made a great ship captain! At any rate, I would hate for these great vessels to lose their cargo at sea because they might have been caught in tremendous hurricanes such as the ones that the fake Chinese global warming conspiracy can generate!
I never wanted to win the presidency to start with, even though I won in 2020 and I will have won by far in 2024. That is the reason why, on January 20th 2025, we will not proceed with my inauguration but instead we will celebrate my investiture into the monarchy of the United Kingdom of America. The celebration will take place at Mar a Lago, while I plan the new Trump Tower to be built on the grounds of the White House.
I was just talking to Jesus the other day and I was telling him about the late great Hannibal Lecter. I repeated the story over and over, but he didn’t understand a word of what I was saying! Does this mean that I'm smarter than Jesus? Anyway Jesus told me that I would make a great king, I think that many many people would agree with him! How could you argue with Jesus?
People will say, "Sir why not become Emperor?"
I'll say that even for a winner like myself, there has to be a limit to ambition, but we never know, maybe, you know, we'll see what happens, I am not an expert on emperors, I'll leave it to the "emperor people", probably not, but who knows?
People will say, "Sir! how should we refer to you in the meantime?" "Well! Everyone knows "King Don One" sounds better than "King Donald the First." So you can just call me, "His Royal Highness King Don One." People know that "Don One" also sounds just like one of my favorite pussy grabbers, namely, "Don Juan."
Like all great monarchs of the past, my first duty will be to secure a successor. This will be a surprise the likes of which the world has never seen before! People will say, "Please sir tell us!" I'll say, "You'll have to wait like everybody else, but since you insist, I'll tell who is my choice for a future heir!..
"Eric?...Did I say, Eric?" Trump looks towards the Trump rally crowd from a viewpoint that has never ever been shown on TV. " Where are you, Eric? Ah, come here, come Eric? Everybody, a big round of applause for Eric!"
I chose Eric, and everybody would agree with me, because everybody knows that Eric was a great Viking King. My choice will remind my subjects that King Eric, my son, will prove to the world once again the superiority of Nordic-looking white people, as opposed to the inferiority of those who live in shitty countries."
I will appoint Matt Gaetz as secretary of "Wildlife" and “Parties”, both the fun kind of parties and the political kind, so that we can keep an eye on the opposition.
We will need a bit of opposition, not much, just a little to calm the malcontents.
I will appoint Ron de Santis as secretary of "Un-education", because he knows what books not to read ! I'll even make him a duke, I think the uneducated would love that. I love the uneducated!
I will appoint Kash Patel as secretary of the "Others in general" to represent all the other people since he is a little bit of a mix of all races, you know, not too much, just enough, maybe, we'll see, who knows?
I have ordered my great friends, the kings of diamonds, the de Beers, to design a crown in the shape of the coronavirus to celebrate my tremendous victory against Covid-19
What you see are not blood diamonds, they are rubies! I 'll have many, many rubies set atop the end of each of these little virus fingery things, more rubies that you can imagine, rubies the likes of which the world has never seen before! You will be sick of rubies after this, and everybody will say," Sir! Enough with the rubies!"
I made a deal with artist J.F. Podevin, in exchange for granting him the right to remain in the kingdom. He has put together this official royal portrait of me. He says to me, "Thank you so much, sir, for letting me stay in the kingdom," I say to him, Next time I'd like a real oil painting instead of a giclee" print! I asked him to choose among my all-time best facial features based on the many many photographs of me.
In anticipation of my eventual promotion from King to Emperor I have also asked him to begin work on another official portrait in my Emperor's New Clothes!"
JF Podevin
* Yes it's OK to call me "Sir" instead of "His Royal Highness King Don One."
The king jester: Roger Stone doing the
man who would be king's famous dance
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